Shit

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty streetOn the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleepsand
I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah,
Ah-ah,
Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where
I walk aloneRead between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beatingSometimes
I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah,
Ah-ah,
Ah-ah,
Aaah-ah
Ah-ah,
Ah-ah
I walk aloneI walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

This relates to much to my life, past present, and future.
I believe that i am the only one that can change my future.
I belive that only with guidence can i change my future.
The past is the past. The present is the Present. The future is yet to come.

The shadow that i have is that of growing up to fast. No that it is a bad thing but i lost my Childhood to become and Adult to fast.

Thought there have been many people walking with me in the world. And some of them still are.
I am still walking alone. To become what i will become. As the storm goes on i will survive.
I wish that my Childhood would come back. And yet i am glad that it has past me by so Quickly.
There are some Experiences that i am glad i had at a young age so that i can help people Through them as i had before.

I am glad for the ones who stuck by me and still are. Even though i have been an asshole to most of them. One example is My Gf Shaunessy. Though i have been an asshole and much more to her.( before we went out) she has stuck by me. I never realized what its like not to have someone there that loves you so much even thought you put them throught hell till it actually happned. I love her so much and that will never change even thoguht i might be an ass sometiems. I hope that she can put up with my shit (you know the smell after a guy leaves the bathroom lol) as much as i put her through it. I will never be like one person who will raamain Nameless (cough Chris cough). But i am like him in some ways. Thought i help her with her problems i am still shunning myself from her helping me with mine. She has so much to think about i really dont want to put her through mine. Ive become so accustomed to hiding my feelings in order to help others that i dont know how to comunnicate them to anyone else besides myself. I do a good jerb ( yes jerb) but its just not good to do it on your own.

Well that is al sports fans
LOVE YOU SHAUN
Insurrection

I Dont Want To Hurt Her Anymore

I know this might sound off hand but I really dont want to hurt Shaunessy anymore. I know that sounds bad but its true. I never hurt her physically and i never thoght i hurt her mentally but in the end i really did. The whole reason is because i smoke. I know that i shouldnt but i started back before i was 12 and now i am turning 18. Though i agree with her reasoning i just cant seem to stop. I know i am the only one who can make me quit but its just so damned hard and i like a challange lol. My love for her is strong but my addiction to nicotine is stronger. Espessially when i am stressed out (which i quite alot).

Though i agree with her, there are somethings that i dont. One is her attack on it. Im not gonna get into detail but she knows what i am talking about.
Second is her aproch on it. I know what will happen and i know what it is like to loose someone you are close to in an instant.

She underestimates what i have been through. Ive been through what 1 in maybe every 1000 Teens go through. Everything. I miss and still love my cousin Emily though i know that she wont be back anytime soon. A friend of mine was in an accident just recently. Another friend tried to commit suicide. So i think that its not fair that she thinks that she is the only one that has lost someone that is close to them in that past little while. or soon as the case maybe.

I really do love her but the cost of me quitting smoking will in the end come to me not handeling any stress at all and then my own death. And as i said i dont want to hurt her no more. But the cost of not hurting her will end up me hurting her more and more. I really dont know what to do anymore.
Well that is all fer now
I LOVE YOU SHAUN
Insurrection