Insurrection

Confuzed

2007-05-05T13:22:00.000-07:00

Well guys, I am confused yet again. Last night I went out to a local club with one of my exe's and a couple of old friends. It was a fun night and then it happened.. my ex kissed me. That wasn't bad.. I was surprised about it and I think so was she. It sparked feelings in me that I haven't felt for her in a long time. I am confused because I have a GF at the moment and I love her. But I also have these feelings for my ex as well.. damn... I don't know what I should do... ahh well.. time will tell soon enough.

Memories

2007-04-13T19:45:00.000-07:00

Well I guess no one reads this anymore so I can post what ever the hell I want.

This isn't meant to be a vent blog and I hope it doesn't turn out that way. Anyway on to what I want to write about.

I want to write about an amazing girl, someone that has been there for me through some tough times and who I though cared enough for me not to do what she did. Well no negative. I was thinking tonight about that girl and how much she means to me... even after almost a year of not seeing her. Smart, caring, kind... well those are what I really want to remember. The times she spent at my house, the times that I spent at her house without her moms permission. Her grad party and many more things.

I can't believe what happened to us happened.. but I should have guessed it.. I fell head over heals for this woman and she tore my heart out. I still love her deeply but that will never change the fact that I fucked up and I am the one who has to pay the price for it. I hope someday we can come together and clear up any diffrences... not just for our sake but for someone else's.

Anyway that is my blogg and I am sticking to it.

Sweetie

2006-09-25T18:34:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about you the other day.. what we might do. Perhaps we'll have lunch at some nice little cafe. Maybe we'll find one with a booth in the corner, or a table a little off to the side and out of the way.
If we're lucky we'll get one of those waiters that sort of disappears after they bring you your food. You may have a glass of wine or two and get a little brave. I've been thinking about some of the things we've talked about... and you make sure to remind me of them while we're sitting there.
You reach your hand over and slide it up your leg. Looking around us you see that no one is looking, so you slowly slide it higher and discover that my dry cleaner has shrunk my pants.
Oops, wrong... but I really need my help to be comfortable.
Too bad, the waiter pops back over to see if we need anything so you remove your hand and smile innocently at him while I order us another couple of wines.
We wait patiently while he brings them... knowing that once our glasses are refreshed he won't be back for a while.
In the meantime you lean over to me close enough so that your breast rubs up against my hand, which is resting on the table. I slide my fingers under your halter top and caress your nipple which needs little encouragement to become tight and erect. As the waiter heads over with our wine I pinch it slightly before I pull away.
After he is gone you lean over to kiss me... sliding your hand under the table at the same time and between my legs.
My pants are still way too tight and, wanting me to be comfortable, you look for a way to provide me with some relief.
You realize that the tablecloth will provide excellent cover if you just slide it down a little further toward us and, as you do that, you use your other hand to unzip you.
I am so hard. You move closer to me and slide your hand around my shaft... moving slowly up, then down. Teasing me with your fingers you circle the tip, teasing the top as a small drop of moisture appears in anticipation of what is to come.

You hear me moan as you slide your hand back down, gripping me more firmly as you whisper in my ear, telling me what you're going to be doing to me.
You continue sliding your hand up and down my shaft, not too much, trying to stay in control, as we are still in a public place.
I groan as you move a little faster, then slower.... then faster again.
You stop suddenly as the waiter comes back over and asks us if we're ready for our check.
You respond..
"He's ready I think."
I almost choke on my laughter. You smile when you see my hand shaking as I pick up my wine glass to finish the last few drops.
You leave me for a minute to go to the ladies room... you're going to need time to prepare before we leave the restaurant.
You picture me paying the check, then heading back toward where you went, wondering what is taking you so long.
You hear my footsteps and, as you hear them approaching the bathroom door, you reach out and drag me inside, locking it quickly behind me.
It's completely dark inside and I reach my hands out trying to feel my way around.
You hear my quick intake of breath as you guide my hand to your body so I can discover with my fingers what I can't see with my eyes. When I feel your wetness I realize you're ready for me, right there, right now.
Without any light or vision available, I use my hands to find my way, I turn you, bending you over the counter.
Using my foot to spread your legs apart, you hear my zipper as I release myself and plunge into you in one hard thrust, almost lifting you from your feet.
This is so exciting, me inside you, the sounds of the busy restaurant coming through the walls, and I begin to moan in pleasure as you slam into you over and over again.
Fearing that we'll be overheard, I put my hand over your mouth to quiet you, which really just excites you even more.
Here we are in the dark, i'm pounding away in you, you can't speak, and all of a sudden it occurs to you that you really didn't get a good look at me when you pulled me into the bathroom.
You mean, you assumed it was me coming down the hall. But, what if it wasn't?
What if I are still sitting out there at our table wondering what is taking you so long?
You begin to struggle, trying to get free of my hand, but I (is it me?) simply read this as a further sign of passion and grip you harder, plunging into you over and over again. You feel your orgasm building and you feel my legs tense as I, too, reach the end.
My hand slips from your mouth as I grab your hips with both hands... pulling you against me as I thrust deeper into you. You're mind is so fogged over now, you're so close to the edge that you're only focused now on the feeling of me as I pump myself into you, our orgasms exploding together... the feeling of me as I slow my motions, thrusting into you one more time and holding yourself there while I feel your breathing slow.
After a moment I slide out of you. You feel my kiss the back of you neck and hear me zip myself back up.
You don't have time to turn around in the cramped bathroom as you hear me snap the lock on the door, open it, and slip out.
You turn on the light, making any needed adjustments before you head out. You take a deep breath,open the door. you're hoping to see me standing just outside.
I'm not though, and your heart starts racing as as walk back toward our table.
"There you are," I say as I hand the check to the waiter and rise from the table. "What took you so long?"
You're really at a loss for words and I sense something is wrong.
"I, uh..."
"Come on, let's get out of here," I say.
I take your hand as I walk past and sort of drag you along. You're looking confused, looking around, looking at me, looking at the bathroom door.
The glaring sunlight hits us as we step out of the restaurant. You try to read the expression on my face... you mean, how do you pose the question you need to ask? ...Should you ask?
"You're all right aren't you?" I wink. "I mean, small dark places don't get you claustrophobic do they?"
............................."Hell no."

One More Day With You.

2006-06-29T16:22:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you
One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you
First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV offI'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you
One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then againI know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you
Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day

No explination needed.

Poetry

2006-06-29T11:44:00.000-07:00

I know not alot of people come around my blogg no more cause i dont update it enough.. Well here is the update anyway.

This is about my poetry... Im not verry good but meh i cant do anythign about that. I just like to hear peopls comments on it and all that great and funn stuff. well the site is www.postpoems.com/members/brian and if you write i encourage you to post. My saying is the only horrible poem is an unpublished poem. My suggestion is to read I Will Tell You.. That is one of the best poems i wrote. not the best there is a better one then that but that one is good.

Well looking foreword to all your comments on my poetry.. i try to update it at least once every 2 weeks or sometimes sooner. All depends on how buisy i am to write.

Anyway avid readers. I am out for now

It Takes A Man by Aaron Lines

2006-06-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

She locked her fingers and bowed her head
She said I'm late, and I'm really scared
You can go, but I hope you stay
I'm gonna keep it, either way

In my daddy's el camino
In her driveway in the rain
Staring through the windshield
I could see my future change
And my heart hit like a hammer
And my thoughts were running wild
Any fool can make a baby
It takes a man, to raise a child

I laid my head, down on the wheel
She said I know, I know, it don't seem real
She closed her eyes, tears flowed through
She said don't hate me, for loving you

In my daddy's el camino
In her driveway in the rain
Staring through the windshield
I could see my future change
And my heart hit like a hammer
And my thoughts were running wild
Any fool can make a baby
It takes a man, to raise a child

Well I could not reassure her
I couldn't say what I had planned
Couldn't put three words together
So I just, took her hand

In my daddy's el camino
In her driveway in the rain
Staring through the windshield
I could see my future change
And my heart hit like a hammer
And my thoughts were running wild
Any fool can make a baby
It takes a man, to raise a child
It takes a man

You know

2006-05-31T18:06:00.000-07:00

you know that i never really understood what i had till it was gone
You know that it was right in front of me the whole time
I had the only thing that i wanted in this world.
I had her but she went away.

I love her to the day that i die
Through thick and thin till death do us part
ill love her till the day i die

To have my kid and to say good bye
to hurt me in such a way
the hardest things in the world
would to let you go......
but in the end its right

I love her to the day i die
Through thick and thin till death do us part
ill love her till the day i die

I see you once a week to my little blue eyes
Before, i seen you everyday
That little fresh smile and your lovely perfume
spread all around the place
but in the end its right

I love her to the day i die
through thick and thin till death do us part
ill love her till the day i die

The hardest thing i ever did
Was to let her out of my sight
to see her walk away
into the stary night
But in the end its right

I love her to the day i die
through thick and thin till death do us part
ill love her till the day i die

I love her to the day i die
I love her to the day i die
Through Thick and thin Till death do us part
Ill love her to the day i die........
ill love her to the day I die............................

Creepy

2006-05-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

I never thought I was strong enough
To handle raising my own son
You'll always fear what you've never done
I hope he'll know me when
I come home
Nothing gonna change
My love for you
I love my child
He's got his mother's smile
I'm so fortunate so fortunate
Life can get tightBut
I will make it right
I'm so fortunate so fortunate
I had to learn what meant more to me
My family's became everything
I miss you more than you'll ever know
I wish that
I could just leave come home

This is to creepy of a song to even write words to. It is everythign that i am feeling or am going throuhg in a small little song. Its powerfull in its own way.

Apr 24/2006 will be a day i will never forget.

2006-04-28T10:39:00.000-07:00

On April 24/2006 Tyler Joseph Edwin Wilfred McKay was born. Weighing only 7lbs 9 ounces. At only a couple of days and hours old, he showed me what it was really like to be truly happy. To be without him and his mother make me sad. But i know that i will be with them soon. At 9:32pm on the 24th he was born. Also at this time the Canadians were beating the Hurricanes 3/2 and the Hurricanes went into overtime because of a crosscheck from behind by a Canadians Foreword. Tyler you will always be in my heart no matter what happens. When you grow up i will hopefully be there for you all the time.
Now to get the preternity test :(:(
I Miss you guys alot right now.
I Love you Shaunessy and Tyler and that will never change.

What the Fuck is Wrong with me?

2005-05-09T15:50:00.000-07:00

Well i am at it again. At least i know what the fucking problem is....... I HAVE ANGER ISUES.
It ain't cool to have those. Specially when you have a short fuse. There is nothin that i would like better then is not to have any anger isues. I dont know why i have them but i do. Silly little things set me off too. Why the fuck do they do that now??? I am so fucking confused.
Maybe its because of my ability to listen to people but never to be the one that is listned to.
And that i bottle everything inside. But i still dont know what to do about it.

But ahh well...
I must go and make up for what i did so later.

2005-05-05T16:20:00.000-07:00

We've all seen the man at the liquor store beggin' for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dread-locked, and full of mange
He asks a man for what he could spare, with shame in his eyes
"Get a job you fucking slob," is all he replies
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like
to sing the blues

Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what's it like

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom that said he was in love
He said, "Don't worry about a thing, baby doll I'm the man you've been dreaming of."
But 3 months later he say he won't date her or return her calls
And she swear, "God damn, if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls."
And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walking through the door
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner and they call her a whore
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like
to have to choose

Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what's it like

I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the downside of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
And smoked the finest green
I stroked the fattest dimes at least a couple of times before I broke their heart
You know where it ends, yo, it usually depends on where you start

I knew this kid named Max who used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late he liked to get shit-faced and keep the pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight and Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45, talked some shit, and wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of this pain
You know it comes that way at least that's what they say when you play the game
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose

Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Yeah then you really might know what's it like
To have the blues

This is one of my favorite songs. Its true what the song says. Before you can judge someone, or even before you judge someone then you have to walk a mile in their shoes. Dont just read a book because it has a good cover. Read the ones that have a bad cover too. They might just surprise you sometime.

I know that if someone i knew read this post that he would say walk a mile in my shoes before judging me. Well to this person if he still reads my blogg.... I have walked a mile and i am still walking. There is nothing that i havnt been through. So there ya go.

Well anyway gota jet for now. Posting will come later.

M'eh

2005-05-03T10:57:00.000-07:00

I dont know anything anymore. Am i mature or am i immature??? Well i know the answer to this one...... I AM MATURE. Unlike the popular belief from Chris (no last name but he knows who he is.) i am. Thought i do do things that are immature that still dont mean i am immature. I do them so that i can keep a happy attitude and vent alot of anger. Or sometimes just because. If anything the immature one is Chris. He reads my blogg i know and he wont comment because he doesnt have the backup to support him. I read his and i still comment. I would even if i didnt have any backup because whats going to happen??? someone gonna shoot you in the head?

Come on i say and lets not get to irrational. I think a well placed bullet always fixes some problems. But anyway that is all i have to rant about today and thats all that i have to rant about for a little while.
Lates Yall

Shit

2005-04-03T20:35:00.001-07:00

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty streetOn the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleepsand
I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah,
Ah-ah,
Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where
I walk aloneRead between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beatingSometimes
I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah,
Ah-ah,
Ah-ah,
Aaah-ah
Ah-ah,
Ah-ah
I walk aloneI walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

This relates to much to my life, past present, and future.
I believe that i am the only one that can change my future.
I belive that only with guidence can i change my future.
The past is the past. The present is the Present. The future is yet to come.

The shadow that i have is that of growing up to fast. No that it is a bad thing but i lost my Childhood to become and Adult to fast.

Thought there have been many people walking with me in the world. And some of them still are.
I am still walking alone. To become what i will become. As the storm goes on i will survive.
I wish that my Childhood would come back. And yet i am glad that it has past me by so Quickly.
There are some Experiences that i am glad i had at a young age so that i can help people Through them as i had before.

I am glad for the ones who stuck by me and still are. Even though i have been an asshole to most of them. One example is My Gf Shaunessy. Though i have been an asshole and much more to her.( before we went out) she has stuck by me. I never realized what its like not to have someone there that loves you so much even thought you put them throught hell till it actually happned. I love her so much and that will never change even thoguht i might be an ass sometiems. I hope that she can put up with my shit (you know the smell after a guy leaves the bathroom lol) as much as i put her through it. I will never be like one person who will raamain Nameless (cough Chris cough). But i am like him in some ways. Thought i help her with her problems i am still shunning myself from her helping me with mine. She has so much to think about i really dont want to put her through mine. Ive become so accustomed to hiding my feelings in order to help others that i dont know how to comunnicate them to anyone else besides myself. I do a good jerb ( yes jerb) but its just not good to do it on your own.

Well that is al sports fans
LOVE YOU SHAUN
Insurrection

I Dont Want To Hurt Her Anymore

2005-04-02T17:15:00.000-08:00

I know this might sound off hand but I really dont want to hurt Shaunessy anymore. I know that sounds bad but its true. I never hurt her physically and i never thoght i hurt her mentally but in the end i really did. The whole reason is because i smoke. I know that i shouldnt but i started back before i was 12 and now i am turning 18. Though i agree with her reasoning i just cant seem to stop. I know i am the only one who can make me quit but its just so damned hard and i like a challange lol. My love for her is strong but my addiction to nicotine is stronger. Espessially when i am stressed out (which i quite alot).

Though i agree with her, there are somethings that i dont. One is her attack on it. Im not gonna get into detail but she knows what i am talking about.
Second is her aproch on it. I know what will happen and i know what it is like to loose someone you are close to in an instant.

She underestimates what i have been through. Ive been through what 1 in maybe every 1000 Teens go through. Everything. I miss and still love my cousin Emily though i know that she wont be back anytime soon. A friend of mine was in an accident just recently. Another friend tried to commit suicide. So i think that its not fair that she thinks that she is the only one that has lost someone that is close to them in that past little while. or soon as the case maybe.

I really do love her but the cost of me quitting smoking will in the end come to me not handeling any stress at all and then my own death. And as i said i dont want to hurt her no more. But the cost of not hurting her will end up me hurting her more and more. I really dont know what to do anymore.
Well that is all fer now
I LOVE YOU SHAUN
Insurrection

YAY ITS STARTED

2005-03-30T19:41:00.000-08:00

WEll PAC fans its finally come to me picking a fight with the Americans. If you want to follow the facts that i am putting out then go to http://boards.swirve.com/board.cgi?boardset=politics&boardid=world&thread=38&spec=5569881. This is the forum that i started lol. Follow and become a part of the PAC (Peoples Army Of Canada).
This is the Insurrection day for us Canadians against our fellow Americans.
Follow and Learn.

Go and learn.
Insurrection
General of PAC

Well i should Update this

2005-03-28T18:50:00.000-08:00

Well P.A.C fans i have a confesion.......... Not really but i thought it would be funn to say that lol.
Well i dont knwo if i ever said this but i will becomming published with my poetry as soon as i find out what needs to be done to make it better lol.
I really dont know if i want to make people pay for something that is supposed to be enjoyable. But then again i could do it so that i could give money to the local Library. Really i would but i dunno what i should do with it.

Well other then that i should add some links to this here blogg lol
http://xbrokenangelx.sheezyart.com/
http://www.sheezyart.com/view/362621/
http://obrokenangelo.tripod.com/index.html
These are all by a friend of mine Heather
and this is by my GF Shaunessy
http://www.piczo.com/shaunessy
there will be more comming but i dont know when lol
well till later sports fans
im Out
Insurrection

Am i Really That great

2005-03-23T07:50:00.000-08:00

I know i know what she will say " Would i Lie to you???" well i think that she would just on this one subject. The fact is she thinks i am a God in bed. I really dont think so i just think that i am average and i dont really want to disapoint. im not saying that i am bad at what i do but im just saying that there is no chance in hell that i am as good as she thinks i am.
It could also be the fact that i know what i am doing too. Im not good but i know what i am doing. And also that everyone else just plane sucked at what they werer doing so she has no one else to compare to in this field.

Its also not that i wish she would stop saying this, on the contrary i want her to continue. It helps make it seem like i am this big all mighty God in bed. i just want her to realize that when we so what we do (yes i dont know how many people read this and who they are so do what we do sticks.) I just make sure she feels the same way i do or better. I am a verry considerate guy when it comes to that so you know what i mean. Really i dont think you do but what am i to do about it. I really wish that she would just say how good i really am not how she thinks i am. Well anyhoo i am off cause the teacher is comming so later people.

Just a short note..... or is it

2005-03-18T13:30:00.000-08:00

Hey P.A.C Fans,
Well again today i have been working alot on things...... one of them is on computers to make them better. Its really not work but you know what i mean. Well tonight is also gonna be a good night. I am goin out with Shaunessy to the movies. We are going to see the new Vin Desal movie. It shuold be funn (Thought i want to see the Ring Two) but you know what happens when your GF cant see anything scary (thought it would mean more cuddle time.)

But ahh well i think eh, There is a sad story on the telly. A lad that was drag racing ran into his own Mom. :'( He is now in prison and his family. well gotta go write more later.

Things Just Keep Getting Better

2005-03-17T23:31:00.000-08:00

Well P.A.C fans
I keep finding out how much my GF loves me.... She lets me see insider her blogg at what she just saves as a draft and ....well...... i read something that she wrote.(Well d'uh eh) well this wasnt just something she wrote it is something she felt and it is sure Poetry( i thought i was the poet) Well she is an amazing woman (yes i mean woman ( no girl could do what she can do)) i wish i wasnt so stupid and got throught high school and got a good education so that i could stay with her forever. (im really smart with computers and random knowledge.) If i could i would and i am an i will. There are somethings in life money can't buy........ And one of them is LOVE.
She has many secrets which i am uncovering as time goes by. Althought i can't seem to tell her mine as well as i can get her to tell me hers. She has found out part of my past but there is much she doesnt know and will not know... as not many people know. I wish i could tell her everything but damn it im one stubborn sun of a bitch.

Well anyway, talking today with my english teacher i asked her to look at my poetry. The reason for this is so that i can get it published. My Entrepreneuriship teacher suggested me to do that. My english teacher also asked me to present a few of these poems and our Night of the Arts. I dont know what ones to do but if you could help me decide that would be great. Well i know one of them.... Its not really appropriat but it is in memry of someone that i cared about but never got the chance to say how much i cared about her. But thats another story as im not in a depressed mood and i really dont want to get into one. Well you guys be te judge of which 3 i should do... Just got o www.postpoems.com/members/brian and post replies to the ones you like and i will see if i can do them.
Well im off sorts fans.
Remember
The greatest gift of all is the Gift of love and teh second greates gift is a friend but the Ultimate gift is if you tell someone that you care for them on a regular basis.

OMFG

2005-03-15T16:04:00.000-08:00

Fuck fuck fuck. This is fucking torture...... I mean i cant do anything to my gf for another day....FUCK her here having a blast doing everythign and anything to get me excited. Come on people wheres the simpathy???????? She says she is sorry but BULL SHIT SHE IS. Come on im a guy she is a girl y the fuck cant i get her ficxed so this wont happen anymore???? I dont mind adopting as i was adopted. fuckin torture i tell you FUCKING TORTURE. I wish i could just take her and just .... hmpfff..... just wanna take her now and lay her down beside me and carress her sweet sweet body. I dotn care anymore what time of month it i si am just gonna take her and rape her. Well im off sports fans.... TTYL
remember incest is a game the whole family can play.

blobs

2005-03-15T15:13:00.000-08:00

This is......... askem..... a usless blob that moved in on my blogg dont ask.

Stupid Fuck

2005-03-14T19:49:00.000-08:00

Well again i am pissed off. You might know who it is at too... we are having this big argument and well..... he is underestimationg me and my contacts. fred town isnt a safe place if you are a wanted man i hope you know chris. I think you should just move to a little islad were i dont know anyone or some obscure place. or just kill yourself that would be great too. I hate when people under estimate me and my knowledge or contacts. None to pleasent when they hear that i am pissed off. hire a hit man isnt something to take lightly so i would do it myself if i wanted. Well i cant write much tonight because i am tofucking pissed off.
night sports fans
remember
Your only as inteligant as you think you are, but Chris damn your fucking stupid.

My mind in a trap

2005-03-13T20:58:00.000-08:00

Well here i am again today thinking about Shaunessy. I swear to god she is all thats on my mind all day and night. I wonder when i will get a break lol. I really dont want a break but i want to be with her all the time. I just dont know thought what it would be like if i was with her 24/7/365 sometimer 366. I know right now i want to be with her but when it comes down to it what will it be like???? Hmmmmm... taking 2 wild guesses. One...... All it will be is arguments and sex......Two.... What i really want for the rest of my life and hers. When i first met Shaun i was young and i liked her back then.... But as a young person i was shy and.....well you get the idea dont you. As i grew up i was friends with her and then it got serious. But before then she pissed me off a couple of times for calling all the time. Now that we are going out i have to beg her to call me. I just love to hear her lovely voice and feel her soft skin. I wish i could all day. I also dont think that i could get mad at her for anything...... and i really mean that. I wish i never did ever get mad at her. I wish i coulda sheltered her from what i can be. which is a monster when you piss me off(i cant be really really inconsiderate.) But most of all i want to shelter her not from my anger(which i think i have a problem with but not so much right now) but from what is going on in her life at present. I wish she would open up to me so i could help her heal cause i know i could. I wish she would trust me enought to talk about her feelings with me (i am a trustworthy person after all..... hey you hear about bob from canada... you will have to keep it a secret thought cause im not supposed to tell anyone.) I am an open person with an Open mind. I am a great listiner and i have went throught or can go throught what is happening. There isn't much i cant relate to.

Other then that sports fans, i will probably get expelled tomorow as i am going to confront someone that pissed me off for the last time. He is from Texas and he knows who he is. I know i might not have been great to him but...well thats the way i was brought up and....well he needed to be toughned up. Like how can a person show up at your house at 11 at night and ask you if you have any pot in front of your father... come on.... then when you say your buisy say aight. Then the next day get all moody on your ass and say your a dick for not helping them get to a certain place. WTF am i a Fucking Taxi. This person has changed and not for the better he has become something that i created but cant controle and i will have to punish myself as i have to try to make him realize what he has done. His life isnt perfect, mine isnt either. But do you see me at 11 o'clock asking you for a drive anywere by just showing up at your door..... I THINK NOT. This has gotta stop. Use and abuse is my worst problem and that has changed people. I tru to stop doing it but it just happens.
Shaun im sorry if i have been doing this to you but well....... i know its my problem and i need help to stop it. I dont abuse physically thought i might leve a bruse from a friendly punch, i abuse mentally. IM SORRY TO ALL THOSE THAT I HAVE HURT THIS WAY. It is just my means for survival. Now that Shaunessy is in my life i hope that will change as i notice i have stoped doing that alot and now only do it occasionally. Thought occasionally is still to often. I LOVE YOU SHAUN and i want to spend my life with you. But i will only be happy if you forgive me for any transgressions i have made in the past. Im strong on the outside but as to keep up other people(one good thing about mental abuse is i can use it for good too.) But on the inside i am hurting more then anyone else i know. Physical and mental pain from others is nothing compared to teh mental pain i put myself throught, My mind is that of someone who has lived a full life while my body is that of a fit 25 year old. At 17 i dont think i should know all the horrors in life as well as taking part in them. I am a killer on the inside, give me a gun and i will shoot. No Questions Asked. No remorse i will have for those who hurt me or my family, friends, or Shaun. During Before or after. Nothing will calm my soul untill all have been avenged by the maiming of those involved or the death. I wish i could write happier thoughts but this is the way i am. My mind is like a trap, you gotta watch what you step on. Hopefully its not on my bad side.

Sorry to those people involved

2005-03-13T07:11:00.000-08:00

Hey P.A.C fans
im gona do something that is verry rare for me to do....."I AM GOING TO PUBLICALLY APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT I HAVE SAID IN LAST NIGHTS POST!" im sorry to those who were involved. I know you dont mean to be like this. But you know how busy life gets with Graduation comming up work and Bf's.im really sorry.....i went a little overbored but not to overbored that i would ruin a friendship i hope. I still care about you guys and i really dont want you to change the way you are. Thats Y i love you right. Things couldnt be stopped. What i did was unthinkable yet what someone else did was just plane TABOO. but that is not for me to say
well i must be off
later sports fans
remember When lifes got you by the nutz then you just ask it to squeeze harder.

Stupid fucking people

2005-03-13T01:57:00.000-08:00

Yes some people are stupid fucking people. You know the ones.....usually American..... but here in Canada we have alot of them too. I hope you are following me on this and its starting to piss em off again and again and again.
Hippocrits. Yes everyone is one of those so called mentioned above. Nothing pisse me off more then someone saying..."I will never forget my friends(after you talk about it for 3 hours and one of their friends do it to them.)" Well it has happned to me and i was stupid enough to believe that..... and once again im the one fucked seriously. Walking down the mall.. you see that friend...."we havnt done anything in a long time(well d'uh) why dont we do something sometime??" Of course i would have to be the one to say "YEAH" and then a month later still nothing. I dont think it helps that i had a... well not a long term but since i knew this person........ crush. Still do but i have Shaun and that is more then i deserve for being the selfish bastard i am(really i am a bastard.) Then someone walks in and says hey i wanna screw this up.
he dont know me theat great he did get to know me because i was being the nice guy and helped him get together with my Crush. BIG MISTAKE. What happens then well he goes out with her and after spending alot of time with them seperatly and together, through thik and thin, they forget all about me.... Unless i make a point to go and see them at work or they see me at work... never "Hey Lets Hang out together sometime."
People in general Piss me off. I really like that couple and they sute each other but you know what dont be fucking Hippocrits and forget about someone that took the time to listen when no one else would. Not to forget the person who did something thought he really didnt want to.I am Happy at the moment with Shaunnessy, and i know these two are also happy. But I am a Fucking Moron. Not to mention they also made plans with someone for New Years after i made plans with them. Didnt piss me off but..... sounds funy......but.....They didnt invite me. I introduce them to this person and they still forget about me. Part of me thinks they dont wanna even be considerd my friends. Thought i havent also been the greates friend to them but the whole thing is i was introduced to them......i opened my home to them..... shared my life with them... i listned to them.... i helped them. All i asked in return was that they would remember me when somethign is going on. To keep in touch.. To keep what we had before alive . I reallyt can't believe that it has come down to this. I wanna talk to them but i have to talk to them face to fac or they wont understand what i am going through. Going from a close confidant to garbage on the side of the road ...... That just sucks.
Well i dont have anymore bashing to do tonight not that it was bashing cause everyone is a hippocrite.
Remember
The diffrence between fiction and reality is..... Fiction has to make sence!

Shit i shouldnt do this ever again

2005-03-13T01:52:00.000-08:00

P.A.C fans i got some interesting news... I finally did it...... i stayed up all night and watched anime. This will be a great thing because shaunessy is comming over ....well......today. Its gonna be a great time had by all and i will prolly sleep while she does stuff on her blogg and what ever else she can think of lol.
Damn i still got a long time bfore she comes over but ahh well i think i will managa lol.
well off fer now
Remember
Stupid people do stupid things.... But smart people do the stupid things smartly.

I Love Her so Much

2005-03-12T21:16:00.000-08:00

Well P.A.C fans i never thought this possible..... but tonight i just fell in love deeply with my gf.
When i say deeply i mean if i could right now i would ask her to marry me. Thats how deep. None of this bullshit I Love You's, or I Will Never Harm you.... This is the real deal. It dont come with a toy like a happymeal... It comes with a commitment to your significant other. I hope to God that she will always be there with me for me and think about me. I know there is alot of shit going on in her life at the moment, but i am helping her throught it all. Wow i never thought this would ever happen to me.... I mean come on.... a Good looking(hott) 17 year old guy, falling in love??? Its unheard of. I mean WoW. When i think about it i really never amounted to anything. I played Baseball and became the best in the legue (im not shittin you 4 MVP's in a row against the top teams i mean WOOOOOOOW.) I was in cadetts for a little while and i was the best cadett in my Corps, I am an exelant Marksmen, I help out with the Safe grad for my school...... but that is it. I have been really shitty at relationships. the longest one was when i was 14 and a half till i was 17 and a quater. That was the longest i ever went out with someone and i was manipulative.
I dont want to be like that with Shaun but i just might end up like that again. I really dont want that to happen.... a wise man once told me "If they change for you.. then why not change for them???" I tried changing. But before i met Shaun i went back to the same ol'ways. Depressing to think that i went back. I wish that Shaun would keep me in line and not give in no matter how much i beg and pleed. She is the best.
While watching Shrek 2... yes 2....... it doned on me I REALLY LOVE HER. There is no handbook on your feelings. I mostly talk about mine without feeling them. But when you really fall in love you feel something strange... Like when you first start going through puberty. This feeling is strange and its like thunder rolling across your whole body.
Well sports fans thats all for tonight i think if not i will post more
I LOVE YOU SHAUN
and remember people
Why not take a chance on me im not what you think i am but what you want me to be.
(I will explain that later on)
Lates

Short and sweet

2005-03-12T09:22:00.000-08:00

You knwo what the best feeling ever is.................. It swhen someone plays with your hair....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... I love it.
Keep it up Shaun.
Lates sports fans
remember
KEEP YOUR STICK ON THE ICE!!!!!!!

How sadistic is my GF??????? I really would like to know

2005-03-12T08:23:00.000-08:00

Hey P.A.C fans
Well its me again and i just got this crazy urge....... to find out how sadistic my Gf is. I will come up with a few simple questions that should be short and to the point.
HOW SADISTIC ARE YOU???????? I really dont expect an answer unless she really wants to post one. Not that there is anything wrong with that but...I kinda wonder if she will sing me to sleep then chopp of my head. Not saying that its all bad but you know what happened to Bob from Canada..... well his GF/BF if its Bobette... Sliced his throat from ear to ear and made him drink his own vomit. just reading one of my Gf's bloggs it just got me wondering..... WHAT IF I PISSED HER OFF IN BED???????????
Not that i ever could because i am the amazing pornstar from hell..... Well from earth (i consider it hell untill i take it over muhahahahahahaha) People that are sick and sadistic usually come in two forms...... Sick/Sadistic or sick and sadistic...... What one are you?????????? well i just hope that she is only sadistic because that is the word f the day............ But you never know untill she hauls a 22 on your ass and says bend over and then shoves it up your ass. It might sound harsh for tyhe faint of heart but.... its reality there are just That many sick people out there. thought one of them can stick his on head up his ass... Explain that one Dr. Phill........
Well on a lighter note..... Oprah Is fucking hotttttttttttttttt...... i know i just had to emphisise the hotness of Oprah. I just want to shove my ......... wel you should use your imagination... Which brings me to another point...... WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK OF THIS SHIT?????????
Well i just haull it out of my ass sometimes but other then that ... hmmmmmm........ sex............ I jsut think its funn to make fun of people who have no imagination. Take for example......... Pokemon. Chasing around little animals sounds alot like Steve Irwin and his wfe in Australia.... The only catch is....... YOU GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL...... thought Steve caught one right in the Bag..... you catch Pokemon with a little ball.... Not surprising since Steve has none and Ash does...... Quite interesting since Ash is an Anime character. Another good example is from my Mother land ........................................................................................................................ CANADA. What the Fuck is our current Prime Minister doing with all the money for healthcare?????????? He is trying to be like the Americanos...(American for those who cant understand the OS at the end..) ALl right lets go from free health care to Pay a shitload for a bunch of crap that they inject us with and then shove a tube u our ass. Well i think that our Insurrection time has come... As soon as my army is ready i will Take over CANADA...... THEN U.S.... Give them beer and they will be fine........

Well i gotta go for a little while sports fans
remember ......................
I REJECT YOUR REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE IT FOR MY OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First Blogg Ever

2005-03-11T20:50:00.000-08:00

Hey fans of the P.A.C,
This is my first blogg and really there is nothing really interesting to put in it. Though i will have to say that I love my new group (P.A.C) it kinda came to me in a dream.
If you wanna learn more about P.A.C ( which is short for Peoples Army of Canada( just a lil bit of info) just shout out or later on i will post the web sites address and forums.
Yes people the Canadian culture has finaly resaulted in a Peoples Army. We will eventually gain controle of the Government and we will right the wrongs of our ancestors. (Drunken fools.....)
But in a light note we will not be faciest, communist or try to take over any other country (thought who would believe Canada was invading them hehehehehe.) Though this is probly more then enough information to get people interested in this. we will have our forums up to the public soon as they are now just being created and rules and guidlines are being made.

Well i should stop rambling on about P.A.C, so i will talk about someone important in my life and she dont know how much she is............... Opra. Opra is my idol. I wanna Just .....mmmmmmmm........Opra. lol
No that not who is important in my life. She knows who she is. Shaunessy. I love her with all my heart and i will never hurt a hair on her head unless she is telling me to cut it. I wish i could be with herever moment of every day (which for the past week i have been:)) I hope that i dont distract her from her studies as i want her to gradiate before i do, which will be in probly 2099. Nothing will make me harm her and i promised her to take care of her even if she has to take care of me. No one will harm her mentally or physically, or else i will get them for it.

Well sports fans (Yankes are the best) I have to sign off cause it is getting late and well you know there isnt enought time to sleep in the day so yeah.